Sunday, April 25, 2010

The hurt that burns - being misjudged

Well it was bound to happen, and it wasn't the first time for it to happen to me, just the most recent. And it hurts being misjudged. I think it hurts more because I feel that it is totally unfounded. That if the person had really taken the time to listen to what I said instead of what she thought I said, there wouldn't have been a problem, or at least we would have just agreed that we had different opinions.
It hurts because this person is someone that I have known, albeit not well, for years. Someone who if they really and truly disagreed with what I was saying would at least think to themselves "Hey, there is something wrong here. I've known Mary for years and years, I know her older kids and her husband and I know they are a nice family. May-be she is having a bad day?" or "May-be she isn't expressing herself well." or "May-be I'm just not getting what she is saying." or last resort "May-be she is well meaning, but just wrong."
Instead her temper just flared and things were dragged into the conversation that had nothing to do with the original disagreement. Finally I just tried to call a truce, saying I had no interest of fighting with her, that we'd just have to agree to disagree, and that I'd have no more to do with this conversation. By doing this I hoped we'd be able to save the friendship, although if I'm to be honest, I have to admit that the way she argued put a bad taste into my mouth and I was planning to just give myself a cooling off period for a while.
It was on FaceBook that all this happened, so it was easy enough to keep myself occupied elsewhere and not dwell on the unpleasantness. As the day wore on, I got a few updates in my email from FaceBook, and it dawned on me that although I planned on having nothing more to do with that conversation, if anyone else commented on it, I would get the email alert telling me what was said, and then I'd want to join back in the conversation, which was not the path to peace or preserving our friendship. I went back to that thread and deleted my three entries.
Just before dinner I got my final email from her. It started with "Mary you are a bigot" had a middle few sentences angry that I had deleted my three entries and finished with why she wasn't a bigot - but right. I explained that I had deleted my three entries because I had no intention of joining that thread again, that I didn't want to fight with her.
Her answer was to unfriend me. Yes Ladies and Gentlemen, I have been unfriended. Was it because I had my own opinion? Was it because I refused to fight anymore? Or was it because she wanted my posts on the thread to castigate me, even though I wasn't there to defend myself? I don't know and won't ever find out.
So I am giving myself a day to mourn the whole episode; the being misjudged, the loss of someone I considered a FaceBook friend along with the whole "I know Mary..." thing. Then I am demanding somethings of myself:

1. Get tough cupcake. In the scheme of things, this isn't even a bubble.

2. People get misjudged all the time. The only truly, 100% perfect man in the world got misjudged and hordes of easily led sheeple crucified him. The fact that I am not anywhere near perfect, I won't even put a percentage on how imperfect I am, I should be amazed at how few times I've been misjudged.

3. Offer it up.

1 comment:

Lily said...

I'm sorry, and though it is no consolation, everyone is misjudged sometimes. All we can do is pray, and lick our wounds. They say time heals all wounds, but it can take a really long time. I'd like to advise you to just let it go, but that is definitely easier said than done. I am sorry. Prayers and love to you.


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