The Agony Column, Part Two

From the last blog:

Dear Old Broad,

I have known my fiancee and his family for the past five years. We met in college and became engaged last year. My fiancee George is very close to his younger brother Bill and really wants him as Best Man at our wedding. Bill is in high school and is very into football. Because George really wants to have his brother in the wedding party and because Bill is really into football, I coordinated the date of my wedding so that it would not fall on a "football" day.

The invitations have been printed and sent, the hall is reserved, the caterers hired. Everything is set for that day, except now Bill isn't coming because some other football game thing is happening. It isn't a scheduled game, I really have no idea what it is or why it is so important for Bill to attend it instead of being best man at our wedding. As a double whammy, George's parents won't be attending our wedding either, they'll be watching Bill play football.

George wants to change the date of our wedding, which means that we'll lose money on renting the hall, same with the caterers, photographer etc and we'll have to contact everyone with the new date. George really wants to have his brother as Best Man, but he will abide by my decision.

My parents are livid, and my friends while trying to be supportive (and having to potentially change their schedules) are rolling their eyes.

The thing is, I want this beautiful fall day to be my wedding day. I want to spend my anniversaries at a Bed and Breakfast in New England picking apples.

But I don't want to start my married life at odds with this family.

I try to remind myself that it is the marriage that is important, not the wedding. But the wedding is important to me too!

Signed,

Totally confused and starting to hate Football


Dear Totally Confused,

Your letter has me totally with my mouth hanging open. You made sure to schedule your wedding on a non-football day for your brother in law. You've sent out the invites. You have everything reserved. And despite this, not only your future brother -in-law, but also your future mother-in-law and father-in-law won't be attending, unless you change the date?

And your husband -to-be who should be your protector, wants to cave in? Or will allow you to be the "bad guy" in his family's eyes, if you stick to your guns? You're not even married yet, and he can't stand up to his family?

My advice is to run!! Call off the wedding and have a "It Was A Narrow Escape" celebration party.

There is more than football going on here Cookie. You are being shown your place in the family, and it's way behind Bill, and most probably the parents also. If and when Bill marries and/or has children, your status will decline again. Your fiancee George knows this, whether it is consciously or unconsciously, I can't say. What I do see is a future of either kowtowing to George's family, or standing up to them alone.

Not much of a future.

Count your blessings that this happened before the wedding instead of after. And have a piece of celebration cake for me!